


i'm a star (i'm living like a star)

by wongyukheis



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M, Not a lot tho, Pining, Strangers to Lovers, Swearing, i tried to make it canon compliant, jisungs weird, literally so much pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 15:19:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19337194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wongyukheis/pseuds/wongyukheis
Summary: jisung always thought life after being accepted into an entertainment company would be a breeze. but of course, life had never been fair to jisung.alternatively, changbin is way out of jisung's league in more ways than one.





	i'm a star (i'm living like a star)

**Author's Note:**

> man it's been a while since ive written something. how has everyone been? good? that's good. thank u for clicking on the fic!! the lowercase is intentional because im too lazy to turn on autocaps sorry if that bothers u hhhh

jisung had a habit of remembering the exact year, month, day, hour, minute, and second of something significant happening in his life. he realized this fact at 2:45 pm on a friday in june (that moment also happened to be the day he dropped out of high school). 

 

he remembered the moment he auditioned for jyp entertainment clearly. it was a exactly year and five months after the day he left high school. he had stumbled over his lyrics and almost tripped over his feet while dancing at 6:19 pm. he went home at 7:20 pm, head hung low and hands gripped firmly on his backpack straps. that night was the first night he'd cried in a long time.

 

two months and five days after that, he finally heard back from jyp. jisung never expected a good result. he wasn't even planning on opening the letter he had received. he could already imagine what the letter would say:  _dear han jisung, we are sorry to inform you...._ he knew how these things went. at 9:59 pm, he opened the letter, and at 10:00 pm exactly he read the words  _dear han jisung, we are very pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to work at jyp entertainment!_ at1:23 am, he fell asleep with a smile.

 

and that's how jisung found himself standing on an elevator going up to the fifth floor of the jyp recording building with a giant grin on his face and a giant box in his arms. it was july, and even in the air conditioned building, the sweltering summer heat still somehow made it inside, but at this point jisung didn't care. he was in jyp! one of the biggest entertainment companies in the country! jisung practically leaped onto the gray carpeted floor once the elevator doors opened.

 

he was assigned to the fifth studio on the fifth floor (jisung hoped that meant he was lucky). jisung gave one last grin down the hallway and then made his way forward, each step giddier than the last, until he walked by room three and completely stopped. someone was rapping. really well. at 5:56 pm on july 15th, jisung turned his head to see who was rapping literal poetry. at 5:57 pm, jisung saw seo changbin for the first time.

 

jisung always thought life after being accepted into an entertainment company would be a breeze. but of course, life had never been fair to jisung.

 

\---

 

"jisung, i swear to god, if you don't turn down that bubblegum bullshit, i will personally rip your phone in half!" jisung giggled as he heard hyunjin's scream through the wall that separated their dorm rooms.

 

"as threatening as that sounds, jinnie, i don't think you have that strength in you," jisung retorted back against the wall and then immediately went back to shouting the lyrics of red velvet's red flavor. 

 

"one day, han jisung, just you wait..." hyunjin grumbled back to jisung, making him break into laughter. "until then, i can just ask  _changbin_  to break your phone. we both know that at least he has that strength in him," jisung could practically see hyunjin's smirk.

 

changbin. changbin and jisung were weird. at least to jisung, they were. maybe changbin didn't notice anything. he'd always came off as really cold. jisung had assumed that if changbin had noticed how jisung acted towards him, he wouldn't be so reserved. everyone else knew, it would make no sense if changbin didn't.

 

since that fateful july 15th, jisung had developed the biggest crush on the older boy. hyunjin didn't understand why. to hyunjin, changbin was weird. jisung could understand why. he always wore black, never smiled, and, in hyunjin's words, was always rapping some emo shit, but to jisung, he was incredible. 

 

jisung had milked chan of all the information he had on changbin. all chan knew was that changbin was really good at rapping (jisung knew that already) and that he really liked french fries. 

 

_"you're in a rap group with him! shouldn't you know more?" jisung had whined. chan mischievously shook his head._

 

_"that's confidential. if you want to find out, you'll just have to join us," chan smirked. chan had been trying to get jisung to join chan's and changbin's rap duo called 2basco ever since jisung had met chan. (jisung had never accepted for the obvious reason that he couldn't even look changbin in the eye.)_

 

_"okay fine, i'll join your fucking sauce group," jisung frowned in defeat as chan had pumped a fist in the air._

 

_(even after jisung had joined 2basco - renamed 3racha -, he had never spoken more than two words to changbin.)_

jisung shook his head as he glared at his wall as if he could melt hyunjin through it. "i'm making changbin a forbidden name in this household," jisung shouted back.

 

"we're not in the same household, smartass, now goodnight," hyunjin cackled. jisung heard the shuffling of feet, the click of a light turning off, and then he was left in silence.

 

 _weirdo_ , jisung thought. it was only 11 pm. chan was probably still up, writing songs. jisung could hear the voice of the boy in the dorm above him, seungmin, belting out day6 songs. in the room next to him, jisung could hear felix practicing korean quietly. 

 

jisung decided that he couldn't sleep. not at that moment anyways. at 11:21 pm on a hot thursday night with momoland playing from his phone, jisung had been hit with song inspiration. 

 

giddily, he grabbed his phone and a cap and ran out of his dorm, heading downstairs to get to the recording building. 

 

he practically flew up five flights of stairs as he sprinted to the fifth floor, only stopping when he heard a distant melody coming from down the hall, and abruptly realized that,  _shit_ , changbin was in his studio. and he was making a new song, because jisung had never heard that beat before. jisung, self control be damned, had to get closer. he  _had_  to hear the lyrics. changbin's lyrics had always inspired jisung.

 

jisung crept up close to the window on changbin's door, weakly hiding himself against a wall, and let himself float along to the melody.

 

he noted that this song sounded a lot darker than what changbin had produced for 3racha. jisung was infatuated.

 

jisung was almost at the point of pressing his ear against the door when the music suddenly stopped. jisung, confused, backed away and looked at the door and oh,  _oh_. changbin was staring at him. once again, his face was void of emotion. he was just staring. jisung wished he could crack through that emotionless mask one day.

 

"um.. hi," jisung whispered meekly as changbin opened the door. he felt his face heat up for more reasons than one. changbin was still staring at him as he stood against the door frame. jisung (despite being taller than changbin) had never felt so small.

 

"what are you doing?" changbin asked. jisung looked up abruptly, and for a moment, he thought maybe changbin looked amused, but that was short-lived as his expression immediately went back to being neutral.

 

okay. jisung could do this. he could respond to changbin normally like a normal human being. he could pretend he was hyunjin or something (that would be kind of insulting to changbin though). "um, i just, i, i really like your music," jisung paused. changbin was still staring at him. he had a weird glint in his eye and jisung liked it. "i like your music and that song sounded really cool," jisung finished.  _wow_! his inner voice cheered.

 

jisung watched in awe as changbin's lips slowly pulled into a smile. "thanks jisung," he said with a  _smile_. jisung gulped. changbin definitely knew. he  _definitely_  knew jisung liked him. was that sweat on jisung's forehead? he began to giggle nervously. this was  _bad_.

 

"no problem," jisung replied queasily. he was ready to end whatever this was and run off to his studio when changbin's voice broke into his thoughts.

 

"you can come in and listen to it, if you want," changbin said breezily. wow, that was cool. jisung practically swooned.

 

"oh okay, sure," jisung started giggling nervously again, wary of changbin's amused expression. jisung decided that he couldn't, in fact, do this. changbin was too much all at once. jisung had to run now, but suddenly he was in changbin's studio and as he panicked, he quickly saved august 29th as the first time he ever held a conversation with seo changbin and also the first time he ever stepped into changbin's studio.

 

he was in a room with changbin. alone.

 

and it was silent.

 

jisung gulped.

 

"uh, the song is called 'if'..." changbin said shyly, a whole new emotion that jisung had never seen from him. jisung was actually about to cry. but before crying over a boy, he had to listen to this song.

 

"it's not finished yet," changbin quickly explained once the song abruptly stopped. jisung turned to look at him, wide eyed. 

 

"yo, hyung, that was really good," jisung said, scared that there might actually be real wet tears on his face.

 

changbin turned to look at him, face neutral. jisung couldn't break through that. he gulped again. the silence was getting to him. "thanks jisung," changbin said again. he still had that weird glint in his eyes. jisung didn't know what it meant.

 

it was silent again. jisung watched as the tips of changbin's ears began to tint red at the same time as jisung's cheeks began to feel warm. this was weird. if jisung thought they were weird before, now he knew that they were weird.

 

jisung cleared his throat weakly. "i actually um.. came here to write a song..." he said softly, almost missing the way changbin's face fell as he looked at the ground. (what did it mean??? jisung was suffering.)

 

"oh okay. then you can leave," changbin said plainly. not rudely, not shyly. just... plain. like a flat line. jisung was really going to cry. he felt too overwhelmed. "but we should talk more, by the way." jisung looked up at changbin. he was smiling again. it was small, barely enough to be counted as a smile, but it was definitely a smile. "i like your music."

 

oh.  _oh_. 

 

jisung giggled again. he was definitely sweating now. "ah, thank you, that means a lot," jisung responded, grinning nervously. changbin nodded in response, and sat down in his desk chair. jisung took it as the end of the conversation as he slowly stepped out of the room and made his way to room five, then stopped. he'd forgotten what he was going to write about.

 

all he could think about was changbin.

 

\---

 

it was four months and two days later that jisung switched dorms. so did everyone else around him. things were changing, and suddenly jisung was stuck with felix.

 

jisung liked felix. they got along well, even with the language barrier, and they were practically twins. but felix wasn't jisung's primary concern in the new dorms. his primary concern was the fact that hyunjin and changbin were in the dorm right next to him. if the fact that the only thing separating jisung and changbin was a wall wasn't bad enough, hyunjin had somehow developed a liking to felix and was constantly dragging changbin along with him to jisung's dorm. 

 

true to changbin's words, jisung and changbin did start talking more. in fact, they started talking a lot more. they found out they had a lot of things in common, like the anime they watched and the amount of time they spend playing fortnite. jisung hoped that this knowledge would eventually end his crush on changbin and he would be left with a best friend instead of pining eternally, but the deities had a different plan for him. (read: jisung was hopelessly in love with changbin.)

 

"hyunjin, please learn to knock or i will harm you," jisung said as hyunjin barged in through his front door, changbin visibly in tow.

 

"color me terrified," hyunjin hissed at him, then gave felix an angelic smile as the newly blond boy walked into the living room. jisung had to snort.

 

"hey sung," jisung snapped his head in the direction of changbin's voice. he was smiling, really wide. jisung was going to melt because of that smile one day.

 

"hey binnie," jisung replied, giggling from force of habit. he watched that weird glint in changbin's eye. he swore to get to the bottom of that glint eventually.

 

"i'm really hungry and as interesting as it is to watch hyunjin drool over felix," changbin gestured towards hyunjin and felix, who was obliviously watching hyunjin compare the sizes of their hands, "i would much rather get some ramyeon. you in?" 

 

well duh, jisung was in. "i'm in," jisung giggled again, grabbing a coat and following changbin out the door and down the street to a convenience store.

 

it was december 31st. tomorrow would be january of the new year and yet jisung was running with changbin in below freezing air to get some ramyeon (to jisung, this was better than any new years celebration).

 

they bought the ramyeon as soon as the got into the warm building and sat down in the eating area a minute later. changbin sat at a table while jisung added hot water to their food, casting constant glances at changbin. (it was really hard to focus on anything other than him.)

 

"take a picture it'll last longer," changbin said amusedly at jisung as he placed a bowl of ramyeon in front of changbin.

 

jisung stopped. completely. "ah," he said weakly in response. changbin knew. he definitely knew. jisung sat down defeatedly, head hung low, ignoring the feeling of eyes watching him. jisung knew he was being weird, jisung knew that changbin thought he was weird. he felt weak.

 

he felt changbin poke his cheek. "hey sung, what's up?" jisung looked up at changbin slowly, suprised by the sudden physical contact. changbin was gnawing on his lower lip worriedly. "i was just joking..." he frowned.

 

jisung's eyes widened. "ah i knew that!" he quickly responded. changbin was still frowning. jisung didn't like that. "sorry i'm just distracted, it's not your fault." it was most definitely changbin's fault. changbin was literally the distraction. jisung watched the way the lights reflected in changbin's eyes and gulped again. he was so far gone.

 

changbin leaned back, visibly relaxed, and gave jisung a toothy grin. "well, if you're distracted, you can talk to me! i'm like your best friend."

 

jisung glanced sideways at changbin. "way to put down hyunjin and felix," jisung retorted painlessly. changbin looked crestfallen, making jisung laugh.

 

"are you saying i'm not your best friend?" changbin pouted, looking cutely stupid, or stupidly cute. jisung continued to laugh.

 

they talked straight through 12 am, clueless towards the employees cheering on the new year. it was exactly 2 am when they headed home.

 

"it just hit me that it's january. that's actually weird as fuck," changbin shivered in disgust, making jisung giggle again. jisung turned to look at changbin, and then immediately wished he hadn't, because changbin was looking back at him. jisung gulped. were their faces usually this close? and why weren't they moving anymore?

 

jisung felt his face heat up. all he could see were changbin's eyes, that weird glint stronger than ever. he couldn't look away. "uh, changbin-"

 

changbin was kissing jisung.

 

 _shit_ , changbin was kissing jisung. 

 

jisung couldn't breathe. he couldn't move. he couldn't push away. he honestly didn't want to. even if he did want to, he couldn't now, because changbin had stepped away, and jisung realized in horror that he hadn't kissed changbin back. 

 

the silence was deafening.

 

jisung's lips were parted in shock. it had happened too fast. it was 2:03 in the morning. jisung couldn't handle whatever this was.

 

jisung watched wordlessly as changbin walked away, ears tinted crimson and head hanging low. he watched him head to the dorms until he couldn't see him anymore. 

 

jisung went home at 3:15 am on january 1st of the new year. he fell asleep at 4:29. it was the first night he'd cried in a long time.

 

\---

 

"you better to talk to changbin yourself before i make you do it," chan grumbled as jisung stepped into the 3racha studio. it was almost february, almost a month since the last time jisung had spoken to changbin. did it hurt? yeah, a lot. changbin wouldn't even look at him now. whenever jisung walked by his studio, hoping to hear a new song, it was always silent. and dark. as if changbin wasn't even there. but even in the darkness, jisung could always make out changbin's figure leaning against the wall, scribbling something furiously into a notebook.

 

"you can't make me do anything," jisung retorted stubbornly. he was literally just there to get a lyric paper. chan turned away from his computer to give jisung one of those stern parent looks. "don't look at me like that." he felt like a kid. an immature little kid. but he wasn't about to let  chan win this fight.

 

"i'm not looking at you 'like that'," chan said, his face stern as ever. jisung was starting to feel nervous. he knew he needed to talk to changbin eventually, he was just tired of people reminding him. it was making him jittery. "i'm just saying you guys have to make up. you're not the same, he's not the same. you guys need each other."

 

"shut up," jisung whispered. oh, he was going to regret that.

 

chan paused. "what did you say?"

 

jisung gulped. there was no turning back now. "i said shut up! i don't need you to tell me what to do! i know what i'm doing. i'm fine." jisung paused. his eyes felt teary. chan watched him silently. "stop staring at me." chan didn't stop.

 

jisung decided that he hated silence.

 

"you need to talk to changbin," chan said calmly, and turned back to his computer screen, obviously done with the conversation.

 

jisung knew that. he wasn't stupid, he was just scared. he  _couldn't_  talk to changbin.

 

instead, jisung said, "fine," and stormed back out the way he came from.

 

\---

 

friday, february 2nd. 2:48 am. jisung couldn't sleep for the fifth night in a row.

 

tired of the sound of his own breathing, he jumped out of bed and decided to spend his time usefully down at the studio.

 

he snorted, thinking about how unlucky his studio number turned out to be. maybe if he was assigned to the fourth floor, he would've never met changbin and would've never had to go through this. jisung sighed and left his dorm.

 

for once, there was no one in the recording building. the first floor was void of anyone, no staff, no artists, no one. jisung quietly made his way up to the fifth floor.

 

suddenly it wasn't so quiet.

 

jisung stopped, panicking as he recognized the deep sound of someone rapping. it was definitely changbin. he was rapping that song he'd shown jisung a while ago (it felt like a decade had passed). and he sounded really good. jisung was screwed.

 

he had to watch.

 

slowly, slower than he'd ever walked before, he crept up to the window of changbin's studio, and watched in awe as changbin rapped. he had never seen him rapping so close up. his eyes were closed in concentration, one hand holding a microphone to his ear. his lips twitched into snarls when he emphasized words, his eyebrows furled when he spit out stronger bars. jisung was so screwed. changbin was beautiful.

 

the song stopped. jisung's breath hitched as he watched changbin's eyes open. almost in slow motion, changbin turned to look at him, his lips slightly parted as he heaved out deep breaths. jisung couldn't move.

 

it happened too fast. the headphones fell out of changbin's hand. his feet blazed across the floor of the room. he swung open the door, just barely missing jisung's face, and suddenly they were only inches apart again, only this time, jisung could feel the steam coming from changbin.

 

"what are you doing," he said it like a statement, as if he didn't want an answer. the two stared each other down, neither one moving away, too in shock by what was happening.

 

jisung gulped, leveling his eyes with changbin. that weird glint was still there, never moving. "i really like your music," he responded, as if it was the first time they'd spoken all over again.

 

changbin snorted humorlessly, looking away in disbelief and then looking back at jisung. "what do you want?" he asked rigidly, this time as a question. this time he wanted an answer.

 

it took all of jisung's willpower to not say  _you_. they weren't there just yet. "we need to talk," jisung said firmly. he hoped the confidence in his voice masked the uneasiness that he felt inside.

 

changbin snorted again and opened the door wider, leaning against the door frame. neither of them had moved their faces. it was like a magnet was holding them in place. "okay, then talk."

 

jisung took in one deep breath. this was the moment that chan was talking about. on february 2nd at 3:05 am, jisung let everything out. "i'm sorry if i hurt you. you just really caught me off guard when in reality i've had a crush on you since the first time i saw you because hyung, you're so cool hyung, you're handsome and you're good at rapping and you have everything that i don't have and i don't want to lose you you're so perfect and i think i might actually love you you're so incredible i'm so sorry for hurting you but i never thought that you would actually like me back you know you're just so incredible and i want us to go back to the way we were because i really miss you a lot you're the best thing that has ever happened to me... god.. am i crying..." jisung took in another breath. he was definitely crying, but he felt better. he had said everything he could think of. it was all out in the open. he had nothing left to hide.

 

jisung looked back up at changbin, who was watching him with that glint. his ears were red again, and so was the tip of his nose. jisung gulped. "hyung.. please say something.."

 

changbin blinked, as if he was snapping out of a trance. he tilted his head slightly. jisung watched his brows furrow as he tried to figure out what to say. "can i.." changbin breathed out. jisung felt it against his lips. he gulped again. "can i kiss you?"

 

jisung's eyes widened. he gave one solid nod of approval, and changbin dived right in. he was everywhere all at once. jisung closed his eyes as he wrapped one of his arms around changbin's neck.  _this_ , this was what he had been waiting for. this very moment. he had been waiting for two years and it was finally happening. what he had dreamed of since he first saw seo changbin in the third room of the fifth floor. jisung decided this was better than anything he'd dreamed of. changbin's lips were soft, and he could feel his hands on his waist. slowly, jisung began to smile. even slower, as if he didn't want to let go, changbin pulled away, heaving in a deep breath.

 

jisung cleared his throat, fairly distracted by the feeling of changbin's hands on his hips. "how, uh, how long have you liked me?" he asked softly, holding back nervous giggles.

 

changbin grinned, "it's been a while." god, his grin. jisung let out his giggles, and then went in for another kiss.

 

on february 2nd at 3:11 am, jisung felt at peace.

 

(they walked back to jisung's and felix's dorm at noon that day, hand in hand, and were immediately met with the sight of hyunjin and felix.

 

"i told you! pay up," hyunjin said deviously to felix, pointing at jisung's and changbin's intertwined hands. 

 

felix rolled his eyes, pulling out a small stack of cash. "whatever, i knew i was wrong anyways.")

 

(jisung giggled.)

 

**Author's Note:**

> ahh you've made it to the end! 
> 
> you can see how my soul starts to leave my body towards the middle
> 
> okay PHEW now that thats over and done with, if u want u can go follow my twt @do_ohyun (pls do i want friends )


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